From Above You It Devours
by ZevofB3K
Summary: AngelLexx Crossover. Yup, you heard me. The crew of the Lexx gets caught up in Wolfram&Hart's affairs...plus one of many frequent Apocalypses S5 of Angel, Illyria fans, you might like this.
1. Wolf, Ram, and Hart

Angel/Lexx: Crossover fic. Yeah, I'm crazy. Anyway, the crew of the Lexx has landed on Earth again, but their moth lands close to Wolfram & Hart. Things pick up from where the crew is unkindly escorted into the firm under Angel's orders. Set in season 4 of Lexx clearly before the death of Kai (sorry, but Lexx just isn't Lexx without him), and season 5 of Angel, post Fred's death. Sure Lexx Season 4 was shot in like 2001 or 2002, but hey, who said that this had to make sense?

Disclaimer: Nah, don't own'em!

The moth's four legs touched the ground as three somewhat spiny figures watched from the safety of the parking garage. One of the eyes on the odd spacecraft popped open, and a woman in some sort of lizard skin hopped out, and rolled her eyes as a man in red coveralls climbed out behind her, seemingly complaining. A second man climbed out on the opposite side of the insect, and the Violence demons watching could tell that he was not at all like his companions. He had obviously seen plenty of violence in his time, and didn't seem to be affected by it. "Kai?" the woman asked the third man. "What does the front of the building say?"

"It reads Wolfram & Hart," said Kai. "Apparantly it is a type of building that specializes in law,"

"But do you think they would have food?" she asked.

"I do not know," said Kai.

The woman grabbed the first man by the arm and dragged in in the demons' direction as he tried desperately to stay put, as she hollered "Oh, c'mon Stan! How bad can it be?"

"Xev!" said Stan, wrenching out of her grip, making her halt at the sidewalk. "We've been through this before. You come down to a planet thinking it's okay, but it's not. We lose track of Kai here, and you and me get captured. We almost get killed by said captors, but then Kai shows up and helps us out,"

Xev crossed her arms, and continued into the garage. "So, you said it. If anything happens, Kai will help us, won't you Kai?" she said.

"Yes," said Kai. "But you and Stanley do not stay close more often than not,"

"Well, we'll be fine; we'll just go right on in this Wolf, Ram, and Hart building, and get food for Lexx, and we'll be on our way," Xev whispered sweetly, pinching Stanley's cheek mockingly.

As she continued through the garage, looking over all the different cars with interest, Kai looked to Stan briefly, and followed after Xev, leaving Stan to scamper quickly after them. He looked around fearfully, and then nearly jumped out of his skin as the three Violence demons jumped out in front of Xev.

The demons (of course the crew of the Lexx didn't know anything about demons) were hideous, with scaley brown skin that spiked up into little sharp spines all over their faces and the backs of their hands, and bright green eyes. Even though they were clearly monsters, they were dressed something like the security guards on the planet Earth, and Kai recognized them immediately. "I suspect that you are the security in this facility?" he asked. "We request that you step aside. We do not-"

One of the demons grabbed Xev, turning her so her back was pressed into its front, and sniffed her neck, and then licked it. "You taste good," it hissed.

Xev gave a cluster lizard growl, and slammed the demon in the abdomen with her elbow. It lost its grip on her, and she stumbled into Kai's arm. He raised his right arm, and the other demons screeched in shock as their comrade's head dropped from its shoulders. The eyes of the monsters flashed, and Stan scuttled quickly to stand behind Kai as they raised two pistols. From their last experinces with guns, Kai was immune to being shot, but of course, he wasn't mortal either. "You three, in the elevator behind us. Now!" one of the demons said in their odd, slurred speech.

Kai turned his head, thinking for a bit, and proceeded toward the elevator, no questions asked. Stan grabbed Xev's arm, and stopped. "So you're just gonna....go?" he asked. "No way pal, I'm-"

"Stanley," said Kai. "It is best we do what we are told here. Or you will be dead,"


	2. The Fang Gang

The elevator stopped, and the doors slid open just long enough for them to walk through. As they could see, lawyers were walking about constantly, on both floors of the huge firm.Stan stumbled backward, as a man with red-tinged skin and tentacles protruding from his chin bumped into him. "Whoa, sorry man!" he said, quickly patting Stan on the back.

"Uh...that's okay," Stan squeaked, as Xev pulled him out of harm's way. "Any idea on what this place is?" she asked.

They walked past a desk with the firm's logo across the front in gold letters, and a blonde secretary took notice of them. The secretary's desk was cluttered with ceramic unicorns and her nametag, which read "Harmony" in pink letters. Xev leaned over the counter and said, "Excuse me, the people outside said that your boss is-"

"Angel?" said the blonde woman. "He's in his office with a client, but I can-"

Before she had the chance to finish, a huge orange monster came bursting out of an office just a ways from under the stairs. It had red eyes, and gigantic horns like a buffalo's, and seemed to be dressed in the entrails of its various victims. Stan whimpered, his eyes widening, and turned to run back to the elevator, but Xev caught him by the arm, as Kai stepped in front of them, priming his brace.

Three men came running out of the office behind the monster. One of them was tall, with dark hair that stuck up slightly off his forehead, and carried what was obviously a small battle axe. The second wasn't clean shaven like the other two, nor was he as muscular, but also had dark hair like the first man, and was holding a large leather-bound book.

The third man had a darker complexion than the other two, and was bald. He had no weapon, but he didn't hesitate to attack the creature with his fist as the smaller man with the book shouted, "Gunn, wait! A Pneumer demon cannot be-"

The dark man's fist was caught in the creature's and it proceeded to fling him across the room. The man with the axe ducked a backward blow from the now angry beast, and the man with the book shouted, "Go for it's... never mind,"

He didn't have time to finish, as Kai's brace gave the screeching sound that it always made before making contact with a target. It cut into the beast's flesh at the throat, and Kai made a slight tug at the cable, and tore it's windpipe out of it's throat in an instant. The bleeding creature fell face forward onto the floor as Kai retracted his weapon, pushing it back into place on his arm. He looked around to make sure that there was no other enemy, and crossed the room to where Gunn had fallen. He offered his hand to him, and helped him to his feet. "Are you all right?" Kai asked blandly.

"Yeah, thanks," said Gunn. "Warn me sooner next time, Wes!"

Xev and Stan saw it was safe to stand at Kai's side again, and came toward the group. "Good work, Kai," said Xev.

"And you just killed one of our clients," said the man with the axe with a sigh.

"It did not seem that there was another appropriate way of action," said Kai.

"That's all right," Gunn chimed in. "We were about to sue him for all he had anyway,"

"Uh, hi," said Stan. "I'm Stanley Tweedle, captain of the most destructive force in the two universes, so if you don't tell us now-"

"Peaches!" another voice called out, and everyone's attention immediately turned to a platinum blonde man strolling down the hall. He didn't look like he belonged in a law firm at all. He looked more like he belonged at a rock concert, and seemingly the only person (aside from Gunn) in the entire building wearing a t-shirt and Stan winced as he noticed that he was carrying the head of the spiny creature from downstairs. "Angel, the bloody security guard's gone bonkers again," he said.

"It's your problem, Spike! You said you wanted a job around here!" said Angel.

"Janitor wasn't along the lines of what I was thinking, though!" said Spike. "Can't I-"

"No," said Angel.

"But-" Spike persisted.

"No," said Angel.

Kai fixed his eyes on Spike. "This was no doing of your security guard. I was the one who killed him," he said. 'There was no other option,"

Spike nearly laughed when he saw Kai, or more likely, Kai's subnormal hairstyle. "Bloody hell, mate, what sort of demon are you?"

"I am not a demon," said Kai, traces of what passed for anger lacing through his voice. "I am Kai, Last of the Brunnen-G,"

Wesley paged through his book. "And the Brunnen-G are what sort of vampire clan-"

"He's not a vampire, either!" Xev interjected. "Kai is just Kai,"

She pushed past the rest of the group so she stood face to face with Spike. "Hi," she said, smiling sweetly. "I'm Xev,"

"Well, hello luv," said Spike, with a lusty grin.

A loud thump on the second level made everyone turn their attention to a small, thin woman wearing a skin-tight red bodysuit of some sort, and blue-brown hair, come charging down the stairs angrily, with a demon limping down the stairs after her. The woman had bulging insect-like eyes, light blue in color, and unblinking. She was pale, except for the fact that her forehead, and neck were just as blue as her hair, and despite her small physique, everyone stopped rushing around as she passed, either ducking into nearby offices or just dodging to get out of her way. The demon had green skin, and short red horns protruding from his forehead, and he gripped the stair railing in one green hand and his head in the other, shouting " 'Lyrie, babe, you coulda just said excuse me, you know! You didn't have to throw me!"

"Silence, worm!" the woman shouted.

She stopped in front of the group, and regarded Stan, Xev, and Kai with an icy glare from her pale blue eyes, then turned her attention to Wesley. "He bores me," she said promptly. "He too quickly begs for mercy when I pummel him,"

"Well if my heart weren't in my buttcheek, I wouldn't-" the demon began.

"I told you to be silenced!" the woman snapped.

"Illyria," Wesley interjected. "These are our guests,"

Illyria turned and looked at Stan, and circled him as if he were prey. "Is it always this crazy?" said Stan, trembling slightly.

"Never a dull moment," said Angel. "Lorne, I thought I told you to occupy her,"

"Wanna see the scars on my spleen?" Lorne said angrily.

"Hey, I didn't know you had a spleen," said Angel.

"You reek of fear," said Illyria, leaving Stan, and focusing her attention on Xev for the moment.

Lorne looked at Kai, and winced at his odd hair as well. "Sweetie, you gotta find someone better to do your hair," he said.

Kai simply disregarded Lorne, as Illyria inspected Xev. "This one is not human," she said. "However, your inferiority to me is visible. Your lust for this bulbous-haired man is seething off you like fluid,"

Xev growled at Illyria in the cluster-lizard tounge, who proceeded to glare back. "Impudent mortal!" said Illyria, raising her fist.

Kai grabbed her wrist. "That is highly unwise," he said.

"Illyria, please," Wesley said quickly. "It's not right to kill new guests,"

The blue-haired demon seemed to think a while, and then relented as Kai released her. "I did that because it suited me," she said huffily.

"As Stanley was about to state, we are in no need of a lawyer. We are in need of food for our ship," said Kai.

"Okay, we have food. Come on into my office, though. The Pneumer Demon's clan is waiting in the cafeteria," said Angel.

"Why?" said Stan.

"Pneumer demons tend to rip the heads off of anyone who has killed someone of the clan," said Wesley, shutting his book. "Dreadful way to go,"


	3. Of Blue Meanies and New Employees

Angel stepped into his office, and cleared his throat before Spike could carry in the head, and sent him out. He put his axe on the wall behind his desk with a bunch of other weapons. "Uh...sit down," said Angel.

Stan and Xev uncomfortably complied, as Wesley and Gunn filed in, closing the doors behind them. "So..." said Angel.

Gunn smiled. "I think he means 'What can I do for you'," he said, sitting on the arm of the couch.

"Oh," said Xev. "Well, you tell us. We were-"

"Practically forced up here at gunpoint!" Stan sputtered. "I tell ya, we've done nothing wrong!"

Kai put a cold hand on Stan's shoulder, signaling for him to stop. "I believe Stanley means...that we were brought here because you believe us to be demons," he said.

"Oh," said Angel. "Uh...sorry about that. Um food, you guys said you wanted food,"

He pushed a button on his desk, saying "Harmony, bring some food up here for our guests,"

"We don't mean any harm," Xev said quietly. "We just need to feed our spaceship. Then we'll be out of your way,"

Then a demon with a bird's beak came in, handing Stan and Xev each a tray of food from the cafeteria. The living members of the Lexx crew had never seen McDondald's food, but were too hungry to care. Xev enjoyed the hamburger, since her reptilian side preferred meat, and Stanley was too nervous about the firm's non-human employees to refuse. When the demon offered one to Kai, he refused, and the demon huffily left the room. The crew of the Lexx each took turns explaining their ordeals on Fire and Water, landing on Earth, the Lexx, and how it needed to eat organic material in order to move them to a better place. "So you guys are real aliens?" said Angel, that rare shine of excitement in his eyes.

Stan thought a while, biting the top off a French fry. "...Yeah, I guess you could say that...yeah," he nodded.

"Do you guys abduct people or do you come in peace?" said Gunn.

Stan laughed. "Yeah, we come in peace," he said.

"And this ship you talk about," said Wesley. "It's alive?"

"Hey, if you're so interested, we could take ya up to the Lexx, no sweat," said Stan, in between mouthfulls.

"Well I was about to suggest that," said Angel. "Wes and Gunn are coming with me, but I was wondering if he'd mind staying here," he added, gesturing to Kai.

"Why?" Kai asked.

"It's kinda my job, but you see, if you'd just go to the training room on the upper level, Spike can explain everything," said Angel.

"I suspect you mean you wish to know what I am capable of and if I am dangerous," said Kai.

"...Kinda, yeah," said Angel.

Just then, Spike came bursting through the door, cradling a six pack of beer under his arm. "Spike, you're supposed to be-"

"All ready to go," said Spike.

"Go where?" Angel said irittably.

"Up to the spaceship," said Spike.

"Oh no," said Angel. "You're staying here,"

"Is this a slap on the wrist for putting vodka in your pig's blood?" said Spike.

Angel raised his eyebrows. "No...huh?! Spike! I was stumbling around calling the remote control for pizza and now you tell me-"

"This just figures!" said Spike. "I work all day, get thrown around by Leather Queen whenever she feels like it, and I don't even get to go on the field trip?"

"I don't pay you!" said Angel. "How do you work?"

"Hey, I come to the meetings!" said Spike.

"Look, we don't have time for this," Angel sighed, digging in his desk for anything that might stop the oncoming migraine. "We're going up to the Lexx, you're going to stay here with Lorne and Illyria, and put Kai's ablities to the test,"

"Oh, I see," said Spike. "I don't get to go up to the ship, but I'm allowed to let the missing member of The Cure kick my arse, thank you so much!"

Angel pinched the bridge of his nose, staving off the need to strangle something, and he sighed while the others in the room watched this verbal tennis game. "Okay, Spike, I'll tell you what," he said. "If you take Kai and Illyria into the training room...I'll...give you an office,"

The younger vamp's eyes lit up as if Angel's hair had just caught fire as evil thoughts as to how better he could annoy his grandsire, and nodded. "Okay fine," said Spike, gesturing to Kai. "Come with me,"

Kai followed Spike down the hallway, as Spike tried not laugh at the Brunnen-G's hair, and continually asked, "Can I poke it?"

"Are you quite finished?" Wesley asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, that'll do it," said Angel, turning to Stan and Xev. "Where's your moth?"

Illyria was waiting in the room marked "Training Room 4", seemingly taunting a battered Lorne, who was sitting on a large bag of ice. The green demon noticed their prescence, and stood up slowly, taking his ice bag with him. "It's all yours," he grunted, hobbling out of the room.

Kai looked around the white room with its numerous weapons lining the walls, as Spike said "Well, Blue, you're punctual,"

"Wesley said that is is polite to be on time," said Illyria.

"Studying our ways again, are we?" said Spike.

"It is required," said Illyria. "Not because I wish to descend to your level of social status,"

"Okay, here's the skinny," said Spike, returning his attention to Kai. "I hit you, you don't hit me back, and tell me how it feels. Don't touch the clipboard either, understand?"

"Why?" said Kai.

"Angel said something about standard procedure with potentially dangerous guests. Bugger it all if you ask me," said Spike.

"I understand," said Kai.

Spike nodded, and balled up his fist. The odd thing was, the minute he made contact with Kai's jaw, it sent waves of pain up his wrist from his knuckles. Kai hadn't budged an inch, nor did he seem like getting hit in the face was anything at all. "Bollocks!" said Spike. "What is with you?!  
"I am decarbonized," said Kai. "I do not feel pain,"

Illyria looked him over, and started circling him again, slightly jealous that the attention wasn't on her. "Because you aren't human," she said. "I can smell it on you. You are more like me,"

"I am dead," said Kai.

Spike scribbled something on his beloved clipboard and took a step back. "Sorry to spring this on you mate, but Little Shiva here wants to test herself against you,"

"When you say 'Little Shiva', you are refering to Illyria, are you not?" said Kai.

Spike nodded. "Yeah, pretty much, yeah,"

"I see," said Kai. "The dead do not complain. The dead are simply dead,"

On that highly disturbing note, Spike nodded to Illyria, giving her the okay to pummel Kai. The demoness punched him in the face as well, and spun-kicked him in the gut, but he didn't budge from where he was standing. Illyria smiled, and with one uppercut, she sent the dead assassin flying across the room into a wall full of weapons, his head hitting it at an angle that would have broken a normal man's neck, and he slid down the wall into a sitting position on the floor.

Kai however, straitened his head, and with a crack, everything went back into place. He stood up and looked at them with empty eyes. "I will keep you as a pet as well," Illyria concluded. "You will make a nice addition to this white haired haf-breed and Wesley,"

Meanwhile, Stanley stood on the command pedestal of the Lexx, as he showed Angel and Gunn what his job aboard the ship was. He placed his hand on the green hologram in front of him, and activated the ship. "Okay Lexx!" said Stan, shouting up into the bridge. "Say hello Angel!'

"Hello, Angel," the ship echoed back.

Gunn scrunched up his face. "You say this ship is alive?" he asked. "Creepy vibe, dogs,"

"Ah, naw," Stan said reassuingly. "The Lexx is just a big bug, he can't do any harm unless I tell him to,"

Angel looked around, smiling. "This is the coolest thing I've ever seen," he said exuberantly. "It seems like just yesterday I was reading about this in a Heinline novel!"

Stan and Gunn gave him nearly identical "What-the-hell-are-you-talking-about?" looks. "Aw, come on guys, Robert Heinline?" said Angel. "Starship Troopers?"

Still nothing. "Yet again you make me feel old," Angel sighed.

"So what does it do?" said Gunn, looking around the ceiling.

"Lexx!" Stan shouted. "Tell them about what you do!"

"I blow up planets," the Lexx replied promptly. "But only if my captain tells me to, and Stan is my captain. I am very hungry, Stan,"

Stan rolled his eyes. "We know Lexx, we know!" he shouted back. 'Just wait a little bit longer, okay?!"

"All right, Stan, but I am very hungry," the Lexx drawled.

Gunn smiled. "Least he knows what he wants," he said.

He turned around, and found himself standing on the edge of oblivion! The drop had to be at least a thousand feet down, and it obviously wouldn't be a padded landing. Angel hurried over before Gunn fell headfirst, and yanked his arm in the safe direction. "Uh, heh...yeah," said Stan, climbing down from his post. "Forgot to warn you about that. Lexx is still growing,"

Gunn looked at the both of them, and fixed a pleading glance on Angel. "Can we leave yet?" he asked.

"And this is the galley," said Xev. "Even though it's not providing much food these days,"

Wesley sat down on one of the fleshy stools, only to be insulted by what seemed to be a talking robot head strapped to the table. It said "Where's my beloved Kai, you morons?! Please tell me you haven't left him-"

"790," Xev scolded. "Be mindful of guests!"

"I am only mindful of my stiff," 790 persisted.

"Erm, is there something I should know?" Wesley said uncomfortably.

"Only that you shouldn't listen to anything he says," said Xev. "That's why we have him tied to the table. He hasn't been the same since he took a header off the bridge,"

"And it is obsessed with Kai?" said Wesley, looking over the machine.

"Sadly, yes," said Xev. "When Kai fixed him, I guess he forgot 790 falls in love with whatever it sees first...it's a long story,"

"Utterly fascinating," said Wesley, lightly running his fingers over the screens. "What does he run on? Windows 2030?"

"There aren't any windows on the Lexx," said Xev, her face reflecting confusion.

790's mouth screen clenched its teeth, and growled. "Unhand me, you pervert! Only Kai is allowed to touch me, and I'll bite off your fingers the next time!"

Wesley quickly withdrew his hand. "No he won't," said Xev, rolling her eyes. "Because he can't,"

Wesley stood up, not too pleased about being threatened by a mechanical head, but he figured it was good practice, since it had the same taste in insults as Illyria. "And what is your job here, Miss Xev, is it?"

She smiled, and ran a flirtatious finger under his chin. "It's just Xev," she whispered seductively.

"Uh-heh, yes, well, that's fine, and all, but you see we've just met, and someone very dear to me was recently lost, so-"

Xev quickly drew her hand back. She was getting better at it, but sometimes her confounded programming just got in the way. "I'm sorry," she said. "I understand, we should go back to the bridge anyway, Stan's probably all done showing Angel what he does,"

"Right, of course," said Wesley, taking a deep breath. "Would you mind bringing that back down to Wolfram & Hart for analysis?"

Xev mentally groaned, as she saw he meant for her to bring 790. She undid the bindings on the head, and picked it up. "Where are we going?!" the robot sputtered.

"Away," said Xev, heading down the corridor with Wesley in tow.

"Away from my Kai, I think not!" said 790. "Put me down this instant!"

"790, you silly thing," said Xev, trying her best to keep her temper under control. "We're going toward Kai, aren't we Wesley?"

Wesley's face scrunched up in confusion, but he got the point the second Xev's eyes widened and gave him an irritated nod. "Y-Yes, there's positively nothing to worry about. Kai's at Wolfram & Hart with Spike and Illyria, nothing to-"

"Aaaaaaaaah!" said 790, his eye screens reflecting tear gushing eyes. "He's with another woman, I can't bear to be this jealous any longer! I'll bet Illyria's beautiful too, isn't she? She's gonna steal my man away!"

The ex-Watcher was mildly amused with the thought of what the demon goddess might do if she heard this sputtering, pathetic piece of machinery talking about her in such a way, but then didn't want to know, considering that she would probably crush it with one fist and keep the eye screens for her prize. "I warned you," Xev groaned, slapping the robot's casing crossly.

They headed down the passageway, Wesley desperately looking for an off-switch on 790, until a second passageway caught his attention. It appeared to lead deep into the ship, and Xev almost gave it a furtive glance. "What's down there?" he asked.

"The cryochamber," said Xev.

"Can we go in there?" he asked.

"No," she said quickly. "Not without Kai,"

"Why not?" said Wesley.

"Okay, look," said Xev. "This isn't our first time down here, okay? One time when we came down to Earth, we picked up something really nasty and had to freeze it. It's too dangerous to expose to outsiders, but I swear it isn't a demon,"

Wesley smiled slightly at her shyness, since she was such a forward person. "Is it a vampire?" he asked innocently.

Xev had been walking up ahead of him, but stopped as soon as he'd said the word. "How do you know about vampires?" she asked. "I thought Vlad was the only one,"

"I work for one," said Wesley, putting his hand on her shoulder as her eyes widened. "But it's all right. He fights the good fight because he has a soul. Angel can't hurt you, and neither can Spike,"

"So...they really are?"

"Probably not what you're used to, but yes. If you wish to understand it a little better, wait until we get back to Wolfram&Hart, and I'll teach you-"

"Teach me?" Xev asked with a seductive smile.

Of course, she was only thinking of two things; one to get Wesley to warm up to her, and two to finally get what she'd wanted for so long. "I'd love for you to teach me!" she said sweetly, hurrying ahead toward the bridge before he could say anything.

"Tramp!" 790 shouted after her.

Wesley followed, wrapping 790 in his jacket in hopes to quell its shouting.

Kai picked up his left arm and re-attached it, as Illyria smiled cruelly, with a broadsword in her hands. "Again!" she said, dropping the weapon.

"Easy, luv, don't overdo it. Normally, I'm all for breaking stuff, but this doesn't belong to us," Spike began.

"Silence!" said Illyria. "You will not come between me and my amusement. You, Dead Thing, why do you not exchange blows? Are you that pusillanimous?"

"I do not fight back," said Kai. "Because I have not been instructed to fight back,"

"I command you to fight back," said Illyria. "You finally provide some sport, and I wish to see if you are laudable,"

The dead assassin ducked a kick from her, and then fired off his brace in attempt to detain her. She caught the weapon before it lodged in her armored belly, and tilted her head at a rough ninety degree angle. "Unimpressive," she said sulkily.

She grabbed his wrist with her free hand, and whirled him around, throwing him onto his back. She raised one of her heavy leather boots to stomp his face in, but Spike intervened, pulling her back. "Come on, Bluebell," he said. "You don't want to break your new toy just yet, do you?"

She seemed to think a while, as Kai deemed it safe to stand up, and look at them, somewhat intrigued (well, as intrigued as a dead man can get). She slammed Spike into the wall with her elbow, then turned to the exit of the room. "I will stop because I want to, not because you asked me to," she said, storming out through the doors.

"Even if you take away most of her power, she still acts as if I'm her whipping boy," Spike complained, peeling himself off the floor.

Kai tilted his head, instantly reminding Spike of Illyria, not only because of the gesture, but also because both of them had the warmth of snow peas. Spike turned away and crossed the room, sitting down on a bench. He lit a cigarette, and pulled a beer out of the six pack next to him. "Want one?" he asked.

"I do not consume food or drink," said Kai.

"You and queenies with tapioca innards," said Spike, taking a drag.

Kai crossed the room, and looked over the clipboard at the vampire's side. The words "Kai: Does not feel pain" and "Seems to enjoy getting his ass kicked" were scribbled, and everything after that were symbols quite alien to the dead assassin, that consisted of x's and circles in a grid. After the odd writings, were doodles of an overly pointy-headed Angel with rude disfigurations to his face, and arrows pointing to it read "Champion poof," Another one next to it was obviously Illyria, and it had the words "Blue Meanie" scribbled across her forehead. "Hey, lay off the clipboard!" said Spike, pulling it toward him. "That's important work, that is!"

"I can see that. I will...let you get back to work," said Kai, turning and exiting the room as well.

Spike rolled his eyes, highly reminded of both Angel and Illyria at the same time, and took another drag off his cigarette. "Bugger," he mumbled, heading after them.

Kai caught up with Illyria in the hallway, and walked beside her. "Hello again," he said.

"You walk beside me as if I am your equal," said Illyria. "In my time, you may have been one of my decorated generals, but never an equal,"

"And what would be your equal?" Kai asked, descending the stairs after her.

"There are none worthy," said Illyria. "This shell does little justice to my true self. It is tragic that none will ever be able to behold it,"

She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and turned to him. "Can you see them?" she asked.

"See what?" said Kai.

"Come," said Illyria. "I will show you,"

"Why?" he asked. "I thought I was not equal,"

"You are not," said Illyria. "But for now...you are as close as the half-breed and Wesley can be to being equal,"

About an hour later, Angel stepped off the elevator, his intent to head straight into his office, but he stopped short, and did a double take as the others nearly slammed into him, Wesley trying to muffle the frantic complaining of 790 (Gunn had to run to the restroom, since the moth ride didn't agree with him). "Whoa!" he called out.

"Angel, what's wrong...oh!" Xev gasped.

The constant movement of the lawyers was somewhat stunted, as some kept on moving without a glance, whereas some stopped to gawk, and then go on about their business. Kai and Illyria stood in the middle of the firm, apparently watching something that no one else could see. Both were moving in sync with each other, and as the acknowledged the group, and cocked their heads to the left at the same time. Spike was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, calmly having a smoke, despite the No Smoking sign near Harmony's desk. Harmony wasn't even paying attention; she was too busy listening to a portable CD player. "Hello, Xev," Kai said with detached courtesy.

"Kai..." Xev asked. "What are you doing?"

"Watching the air molecules," he said.

"Are ya seeing any there, dead man?" Stan asked, putting his hands on his hips.

"No," said Kai.

Spike took a drag off his ciggarette, and watched Angel squirm as he snuffed it out on the stair railing. "They don't blink," he said. "Bloody unnatural,"

"Eh, the dead are unpredictable," said Stan, shrugging.

"Spike!" said Angel. "I told you to watch them!"

Spike stood up, giving Angel a careless shrug. "Hey, I am!" he said defensively. "You never said I had to make sure they were fed and tuck them in at bedtime,"

"Spike, there's a dead alien in the middle of the lobby. It could mean some of our clients are going to try and use him for ritual sacrifices," Angel asked through clenched teeth. "And then he'll kill more of our clients, and-"

"Can I have my ten bucks?" Spike asked slyly.

Illyria interrupted the argument, looking at Wesley with praise in her usually blank eyes, as they traveled over 790. "I must commend you," she said. "You have collected a decent trophy for yourself,"

"It's not a real head, Illyria," said Wesley.

"I am a real woman!" said 790. "Kai, help me!"

"No," said Kai.

"When can I babysit for you again?" said Spike.

"Uh boss!" Harmony screamed, putting an end to the chaos. "You're new employee is here...right now,"

The normal rush of the firm continued at those words, plunging the entire building into silence. The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open. A white haired man stepped out, wearing a business suit, with a devilish smile. "Prince," said Xev, her eyes slitting.


	4. Separate Agenda

Author Notes: For those who are confused with the ending of the chapter, there will be an explaination for it later, and no, it's not what you think.

Xev sat outside the conference room, legs crossed, and hand rested on her palm. Stan sat on the floor next to her, legs tucked under him, as Kai stood stoically at their side. "They've been in there for hours," she complained. "What do you think-"

"Shut it!" Spike said sharply. "Vampire hearing doesn't come in handy if you can't hear a ruddy thing!"

The blonde vampire was kneeling at the door, glass pressed to his ear, and fighting what he considered the good fight: Piss off Angel at every chance he got. In this case, he was remarkably sympathetic to the Lexx crew's problem, but of course it didn't hurt for Xev to flash a flirty smile. He could tell he was going to like the "alien bint".

Angel and Gunn had taken Prince into the conference room, and that would have been fine and well, except that Angel ordered the Lexx crew to stay out of trouble, and locked the doors. The wavy glass on the windows didn't help either, since they couldn't even see what was going on. All they could see were a few blurry figures, Prince figure lounging in the chair opposite Angel and Gunn, as he pulled out some sort of paper and handed it to his new boss. From his body language, Angel looked worried.

Prince had been on his best behavior as he introduced himself, meaning that he tried to act as if he was simply there on business, but any idiot could see that he was conniving to get his way. What no one could understand however, was why someone who controlled the ATF would want to work in a law firm, except of course that Wolfram& Hart was an evil law firm. "Hey, doodle bunnies, what's happening?"

Lorne was crossing the lobby in their direction, looking less pained since Wesley took over responsibility of Illyria, and had a glass of alcohol in his hand. Booze was something Stan and Xev knew about. They didn't want to know any more than they did. The green demon looked from Xev and Stan, to Kai, and then to Spike and frowned. "Uh, blondievamp, that's called eavesdropping,"

"Then why don't you run and tell mummy?" Spike said curtly, trying to listen in further.

"What are they saying?" said Stan. "You getting anywhere with that?"

"Something about a dagger," said Spike. "And being good with daggers,"

Lorne looked to the window, and to Spike, and bit his lower lip. Then he finally shook himself. "Ugh, you're doing it all wrong, move over!" said Lorne, kneeling down next to Spike.

He pressed his ear to the door as well, and his red eyes almost bugged out of his head. "Angelcakes, what are you thinking?" he mumbled to himself.

"What?" said Stan, squeezing Lorne between himself and Spike so he could have a listen. "What's going on?" he asked

"This is bad," said Lorne, shaking his head.

"What is it?!" said Xev, knocking Stan out of the way for her to listen.

The door suddenly popped open, and Angel nearly tripped over the eavesdroppers as he yanked the glass out of Spike's hand. They slowly stood up to meet Angel's stern eyes, and Prince's continuous cocky smile. "I believe this is a bad time," he said, voice barely more than a whisper. "I will return shortly to collect the artifact,"

Xev grabbed him before he could escape to the elevator. "What do you want with them, Prince?" she asked adamantly.

"Just a dagger," said Prince. "As it is my job as the stand-in liason for Mr. Hamilton, I have come here to collect the Dagger of Galatea. Odd thing, it is,"

"This Dagger of Galatea," said Kai. "Is it not an evil object, kept by Wolfram & Hart?"

"If you use it, it breaks the barriers between one-hundred and eight Hell dimensions and revives any person you want from the depths of Hell," Angel said distastefully. "And the Senior Partners have it," he added, with a sigh.

"Then why are you guys giving it to him?!" said Stan. "He's an evil person, who'd more than gladly use it!"

"You will be pleased to know that your new friends here at Wolfram & Hart did not betray you, as I expect you are quite used to, but I already had the form signed by their Senior Partners. All Mr. Angel here had to do was know about it and hand it over. If he does not...very bad things will happen,"

As soon as Prince turned his back on them, Angel's face shifted, his forehead becoming longer, and eyebrows dissapearing to give his face a more bat-like appearance, as his eyes yellowed and fangs elongated. Xev gasped, seeing a real vampire for the first time, and Angel looked nothing like Vlad.

He quickly grasped Prince's neck, and snapped it, shouting "Sorry, Prince! No deal!"

As Prince fell limp to the floor, none of the lawyers paid any attention. "Uh Angel, you wanna explain?!" said Gunn.

Angel's face morphed back to human. "I had to do it guys," he said. "If I didn't kill him, then the Senior Partners would have gotten ahold of the dagger,"

"Oh boy," said Stan, pacing back and forth in a panic. "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy,"

"What?" said Lorne, sipping his drink calmly. "He was a demon, right? I mean, he wanted to open all the hell dimension! The last thing we need is my mother taking the grand tour of W&H,"

"It's not that easy!" said Xev, kneeling next to the body. "Look,"

The corpse vanished, and Spike's jaw dropped. "Bloody hell! Did you see that?!"

"Yes," said Kai. "He purposely wanted you to do that. Now I suspect that the beginning of your Apocalypse will momentarily begin. The Dagger of Galatea can only be found on another plane of existance,"

"How do you know that?" said Angel.

"I have many memories," said Kai.

The dead assassin turned and went up the stairs toward the lab, no doubt to either rescue Wesley from 790, or 790 from Illyria's wrath. Stan's face screwed itself up in anger as he whined"Now you really did it! Prince is gonna come back, and we have no idea who he's coming back as or where he's gonna pop up!"

"Calm down, Stan!" said Xev, grabbing his shoulder. "I'm sure they have the resources here to track Prince down and stop him. We're safer if we just stay here,"

"I'm not staying here! I say that we have the Lexx eat L.A., then we can-"

"No!" said Xev, catching him in a choke hold. "I'm not gonna let you kill thousands of people-"

"Uh, not to interrupt your tiff here, but don't we have bigger problems like the apocalypse!" said Lorne.

"Yeah, I don't plan on dyin' so soon!" said Gunn.

"He's right," said Angel. "We need you guys here because we're not familiar with Prince, or his habits. Gunn and I will dig up any ATF records and see if they've done bussiness with Wolfram & Hart before. Lorne, take Stanley to the bar on the fifth floor. You know what to do with him,"

Gunn and Angel dissapeared back into the conference room. Lorne took hold of Stan's arm, carefully pulling the unstable security guard to the elevator. "C'mon, Numero Cuartro, it's open mic night,"

"Are there any cute girls up there?" Stan squeaked.

"Plenty," said Lorne. "Green just ain't their color,"

The demon was obviously good at convincing people. As Stan cautiously followed Lorne, he took small steps, looking around fearfully as if Prince were about to pop up at any moment. That left Spike and Xev. "Yeah, and me and Daphne will explore the basement for clues!" he called after Angel.

Xev smiled at Spike. "Who's Daphne?" she asked.

Spike rolled his eyes, seeing that pop culture references were completely wasted on her. "Hey, you ever play Crash Bandicoot, luv?" said Spike, trying to change the subject.

"No," said Xev. "Why?"

Spike grinned, and steered her toward the elevator. "Come with me," he said. "You have lots to learn, and ol' Spike's gonna teach you everything,"

"Oh," Xev said excitedly. "Okay!"

790 blew a raspberry at his captor, leaving Wesley to grab a screwdriver off the counter and squeeze it as hard as he could. "All right," he said. "What if I offered to bring your...dead man in here?" said Wesley, swallowing nervously.

"No need,"

Kai was standing in the doorway to the lab, and came over to 790 and picked it up. "I suspected that he would not comply," the assassin said matter-of-factly.

"Kai!" 790 shouted. "Dismember him, darling!"

Wesley sighed, as 790 began more pathetic gushing. "Is there any way to possibly shut it off?" he asked.

"Why?" said Kai.

"I need to see what he runs on. I would reassemble him as soon as I was finished," said Wesley. "But all he does is scream for you to save him,"

"I see," said Kai. "790,"

"Yes, my delicious dead love for all eternity?" said 790.

"Off," said Kai.

"But-" the robot began.

"Off!" Kai said, with more force this time.

790's screens spontaeneously went blank, and Kai handed him back to Wesley. "That was all?" said Wesley.

"Yes," said Kai. "He only responds to certain people on the other hand. He opens at the back compartment. There you will find a cube containing human brain tissue. It is what gives him his devouted programming,"

Wesley set the robot down on the table, and followed Kai's instructions. He poked and proded at wires inside the head with the screwdriver, and then withdrew the brain cube. He picked up a magnifying lense and peered closely at it to analyze the complexity of the contraption. "So," said Wesley. "What did that white-haired man want down there? You knew him?"

"Yes," Kai said urgently. "His name is Prince. He wants the Dagger of Galatea, a device that can single-handedly destroy your world. Angel killed him, not knowing that Prince cannot be killed, and now Prince's plan of action is nearly complete,"

Wesley put down the screwdriver, and slowly looked up. "You mean..."

"Yes," said Kai, exiting the room.

"But where are you going? You can't leave now-" Wesley sputtered.

"I must inform Illyria. You will find Angel downstairs. He most likely wants for you to research the situation futher. I recommend that you consult anything that speaks of Heaven and Hell. The Dagger of Galatea needs an act of pure betrayl to actually work. It would be wise to be on guard for any...odd behavior,"

Wesley didn't even want to know how Kai held that information, but he didn't have a chance to question the dead man further, because he was already at the end of the hall and on his way to warn Illyria, who had left in a blind rage since 790 called her a disgusting azure imitation of a woman. If this dagger business was enough to worry, for lack of a better word, a person with no emotions or opinion for any situation, Wesley knew the day was a normal one, aliens or no aliens.

Illyria stood alone in the training room once again. The dismembered head had sought to insult her; in her time she would have placed him on a spike simply for still being able to speak, and she would allow the sun to cook him slowly until he was an inch away from death. Then she would procede to eat his cooked flesh while he was still alive. Now her human shell prevented her from being imposing at all. She was just another demon to these humans, and that made resentment build within her until it consumed her.

The doors burst open, and Kai walked into the room. She regarded him with a cold stare, and turned her back on him once again. "You seek to enter combat with me once more?" she said. "Some should know when they are conquered,"

"I did not," said Kai, stepping up behind her. "I came...because I believed you to be in danger. Angel's client downstairs proved to be...disruptive,"

"You presume to protect me?" Illyria said coldly. "I have no need for your petty protection. I could snap you in two if I so desired,"

Kai gently put his hands on her shoulders, making that little flame of anger inside the demoness grow slightly. He rested his chin on her shoulder. "Such pretty blue hair," he said, running his finger down a strand of it. "The dead do not usually notice such things...but I must admit you rouse something that is unexplainable,"

"What is the meaning of this, Dead Thing?" said Illyria.

"You are good with pain as well," he said. "I like that,"

"You desire for a demonstration?" Illyria spat.

"You do not have to hide your weakness from me," he said. "It is obvious that you are enraged. You have every right to be. They took what was most precious from you,"

"Release me now before I force you to, Dead Thing," Illyria said vehemently, fists clenching. "Never without my permission are you allowed to press your flesh to mine!"

"You don't mean that," he said. "Allow me to give you this...and then I will make a deal with you,"

Illyria whirled around, pulling away to face him. "There is nothing you can give me except a pleasing image of your suffering as I mutilate your whining corpse!"

The doors burst open again, and Illyria looked from one Kai to the other, as the one who just entered the room fired his brace and killed the one making advances on her, slicing cleanly throught the back and out through the sternum. The limp body hit the floor with a thud, and the heap momentarilly dissappeared from sight. Kai pushed the brace back into place on his arm. "That was Prince," he said. "We must leave this place. Are you-"

He wasn't prepared for her boot to make contact with his jaw and send him out the swinging doors, into the wall. Illyria followed him and tilted her head, staring at him. "That was for placing your hands on my being without my consent. Your insolence will be punished thouroughly later," she said, turning down the hall. "Now come,"


End file.
